Family dynamics are very complex. When a family member does something wrong, there may be pressure to forgive coming from others without any effort to understand and acknowledge the pain that was caused. This is a recipe for depression or smoldering resentment.
---- The Question: ----
How to make anger come back? I used to be an angry person because of my father, I forgave him and now I don't feel myself, does anybody know how to make anger and the unforgiveness back in my heart , I WANT IT BACK, I DONT FEEL MYSELF WITHOUT ANGER
---- My Answer: ----
A little more background would be helpful, but I'll try to imagine the back-story here. Tell me if I'm close or not.
Your dad did something to you or another family member that was terrible, hurtful, selfish, or uncaring. This hurt you for years but eventually someone came to you (perhaps a religious person) who told you that it was your duty to forgive him. They convinced you and so you publicly forgave him, but deep inside your heart you are still hurt.
Remember that anger is a "cover" emotion. It covers deeper feelings of hurt feelings, fear, grief, trauma, loss, and abandonment.
Perhaps you were talked in to forgiving your dad "for the sake of the family". So you did it to make everyone else happy. What does that say about how your family values you and your feelings? Is it OK for other people to deny your reality and tell you that "you should not be angry anymore?" From your description you sound like you have mild depression based on the fact that you've had to deny your real feelings about your father to get along with the rest of your family.
What you need to do is find a counselor or psychologist and talk about your history. You need to at least find someone impartial who can validate and accept your true feelings. If at some point in the future you decide that you really do want to forgive your father, it should be fully your decision and not something you were pushed into.
A good book on this topic is: The Angry Book, by Theodore Rubin, M.D.
---- Questioner's Follow-up Comment: ----
yes wat u said wuz so true i wuz forced into forgiving him and i wasnt ready , maybe i will get counciling and maybe they will make me feel like my normal angry self
[Original Post: http://answers.yahoo.com/question/index?qid=20090627081704AA4XyLZ]
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